Conscripts Conspire

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August 8, 2012 by Last Star blog

Cole with a wrench

Conscripts Conspire against Captain Crazy

After days of 12 hour work days, cleaning bilges, painting, varnishing, sanding, and polishing in Africa heat… the crew conspires to take out the Captain.  Mutiny, you say? Well, the def of mutiny is: open rebellion against constituted authority, especially rebellion of sailors against superior officers.  So, yeah, maybe…no definitely! Throughout the days I walk on board and think: Why are we doing this?  I am going to cook in this closet?  Does my ass even fit on that tiny toilet seat?  I have to pump to flush AND it stays on the boat? Where is the space for my three drawers of beauty products…? I get three drawers for EVERYTHING for a WHOLE YEAR?  Oh, no…beauty on the boat is so not happening!

I find myself bent over the railing 15 feet in the air, in some kind of Cirque du Soleil training position in 100 degree sun sucking every bit of hydration from my old body, the non slip texture forever imprinting my bruised knees all in an endeavor to use the heat gun to remove old varnish.  Oh and severely burn my forearm from the red hot scraping knife in the process, the pain only rivals the fridge biting my upper arm and leaving a baseball size black bruise.  Where was I?  Oh, yeah, as I am wondering what the hell I am doing in this place, in this heat, and this position, I notice Cole below me using a 20lb buffer polishing the hull.  This is what I hear:  43 ft, feels like 200, this IS not my dream, this IS not my boat—where is my senior summer?  Want to go to the beach, Cole?  Oh, no, why would I want to go surfing when I can experience POW torture camps and learn the meaning of hard work?  Want to go to King’s Dominion and ride roller coasters?  OH, no, I get my thrills hanging off halyards.  Want to hang out at the pool with girls in bikinis?  NO, no, why would an 18 year old male want to do that when he can spend family bonding time planning murder for insurance money?  They do have insurance; I think Alek said something about that.    “Cole, how’s it going down there?”  “Great Mom, but this sure is a big boat, how’s it going up there?” “Fine, Cole, but your right it sureis a big  boat.”  If we had compared notes…this may be a different story.


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