October 3, 2012 by Last Star blog
A wish for my sons: Alek and Cole.
It was a long day of rough seas, rain and the drone of the engine. The cats were miserable. We watched the rain. We watched the horizon. We listened to music. We read. We droned. We finally anchored in a quiet inlet. After dinner, we lit candles in the cockpit and lay down to star gaze. I was reminded of 12 years ago with our boys on our first sail boat. We had this star chart—not an app—and we would lay on the foredeck with the chart and name the constellations. We would bet on who would see the first shooting star. Tonight as I lay there, I realized how much I miss my sons. How for months we worked on getting read: getting ready to move, getting ready for retirement, getting ready for Cole to leave, and getting ready for Alek to find/start an internship. Then, there was the minutia of the boat. From simple things like hanging cups to overwhelming obstacles like mounting the solar panels, but every day for two months was filled with minor chores…one after the other. So, tonight, we lie in the cockpit with the soft glow of the candles and wine and watched the sky. And I remembered—every evening of our previous boating adventures with my sons as boys—the constellation names, the shooting stars, the scary stories Cole loved to hear and my heart ached for their presence. It was the first time I had the time to think about their absence in this adventure. They helped in the “getting ready phase” and somehow in my head I still expect them to come back from a dinghy excursion or a windsurfing run or swim, any minute. Somehow, I had deluded my psyche into believing they were not grown men with real jobs and young men beginning their own adventures, but just out of sight and returning home. I watched the stars in the sky and missed my little boys, the ones that are always with me. Where does the time go? And yet, with life slipping through our fingers like an hour glass glued to a table…Christmas seems like a lifetime away to be a family again.
Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight…I wish I may, I wish I might have the wish I wish tonight: For their peace, their success and their happiness, for this I wish.