A wish for my sons: Alek and Cole

6

October 3, 2012 by Last Star blog

A wish for my sons: Alek and Cole.

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It was a long day of rough seas, rain and the drone of the engine.  The cats were miserable.  We watched the rain.  We watched the horizon.  We listened to music.  We read.  We droned. We finally anchored in a quiet inlet.  After dinner, we lit candles in the cockpit and lay down to star gaze.  I was reminded of 12 years ago with our boys on our first sail boat.  We had this star chart—not an app—and we would lay on the foredeck with the chart and name the constellations.  We would bet on who would see the first shooting star. Tonight as I lay there, I realized how much I miss my sons.  How for months we worked on getting read:  getting ready to move, getting ready for retirement, getting ready for Cole to leave, and getting ready for Alek to find/start an internship. Then, there was the minutia of the boat.  From simple things like hanging cups to overwhelming obstacles like mounting the solar panels, but every day for two months was filled with minor chores…one after the other.  So, tonight, we lie in the cockpit with the soft glow of the candles and wine and watched the sky. And I remembered—every evening of our previous boating adventures with my sons as boys—the constellation names, the shooting stars, the scary stories Cole loved to hear and my heart ached for their presence.  It was the first time I had the time to think about their absence in this adventure.  They helped in the “getting ready phase” and somehow in my head I still expect them to come back from a dinghy excursion or a windsurfing run or swim, any minute. Somehow, I had deluded my psyche into believing they were not grown men with real jobs and young men beginning their own adventures, but just out of sight and returning home. I watched the stars in the sky and missed my little boys, the ones that are always with me.  Where does the time go? And yet, with life slipping through our fingers like an hour glass glued to a table…Christmas seems like a lifetime away to be a family again. 

Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight…I wish I may, I wish I might have the wish I wish tonight: For their peace, their success and their happiness, for this I wish. 

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6 thoughts on “A wish for my sons: Alek and Cole

  1. Maura kane says:

    That last post just brought tears to my eyes. Your little boys are amazing young men and that is your doing. You must be so, so proud.

  2. Tricia says:

    This was beautiful Patricia! I imagine your words barely touch how much you are missing them. But thank you for the reminder to cherish the presence of my own boys- even their smelly, pimpled faced, eye rolling, fresh mouthed teenaged presence! Xo

  3. Beth says:

    Well said Patricia….I type with tears rolling down my face. Where does the time go too? Happiness..the key to unlocking what we all truely want for our children. Let the gentle waves rock you and Hank to sleep tonight…fair winds my friend !

    • Trash says:

      OK, Patricia, this is getting waaaay to mushy. BTW, I’m just catching up on the log–sorry, I got a real job now.

      Ya know what I miss about the boys? The “Thwack” of a paintball or two hitting them in the nugget! Fun times!

      In all seriousness, what a great post. It reminds me to cherish every moment with the young’un, because all too soon, he will be “up and out.” If I am lucky, though, he will turn out like your two…..

  4. Alfredo says:

    That was touching to read, Patricia. *sniff* I had a long day at work and this brought a smile to my face.

  5. Anna n Hap says:

    How lovely, Patricia! Getting choked up, too! Your sweet, gregarious boys, now men. I feel similarly–that I see “ghosts” of our boys doing things they used to do in places we used to spend so much time–ball fields, grandparents house, back yard. Enjoy your adventure and know your boys are exactly where they need to be. What a great reunion it will be at Christmas!

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