February 14, 2013 by Last Star blog
C: Are they gone?
M: Yes, I saw them do that weird dance getting into those bizarre black suits and they took that long metal spear with them.
C: Hahahahha, are they supposed to come back empty handed EVERY time? I want to talk about our day, since we know everyone only reads their blog to catch glimpses of us. Well, okay maybe only Aunt Caroline, but still. Is this thing on? Don’t use your nails or they’ll know you’ve been here. Oh, move over, you always pull the keys out when you do that and Alek is back in Florida so there is no one here to fix the keys you throw all over. Isn’t there a microphone here? Yes, there that one.
M: They say they are going lobster hunting but I never see them come back with anything
C: I think they are secretly going to shore, those jerks. I soooo want to go ashore, I love land!
M: Land is overrated. I am very content here. THERE ARE NO DOGS!
C: There is Freddy, she comes on board sometimes and she rides in the dinghy with them, I want to ride in the dinghy with them!
M: Freddy is not a dog, she is a really big ugly cat. And what’s with that jacket with the light on she wears, it’s 100 degrees out here? And I have been in that dinghy, it’s a floppy sausage, it makes a crazy noise and it gets you wet, believe me you don’t want to go in there.
C: Hey what was up this morning? Do you have to jump ON them every single night when you finally come to bed? The yelling is deafening and it disturbs my beauty sleep. I am always so cozy with the Missus, all snuggled down in the crook of her arm.
M: Suck up. You are just an old man and have lost your sense of adventure. I have to admit sleeping on Mom is great, cause she won’t move a muscle! She is such a sucker! Unlike the MAN!
C: I am quiet at night because I like the fur I have and the thought of becoming ear-muffs and a hat doesn’t thrill me. Besides, I am not sure what you find so interesting all night. You just go from window to window and look outside, it’s water you ninny, it’s always water. And I don’t find what is so fun about chasing that tinkle ball for hours on end either. I am not sure how you manage to play with that thing while we are under way either. It’s everything I can do to keep my lunch from coming up.
M: Like I said, you have lost your sense of adventure. You never know when a kraken might come along in the middle of the night, I am protecting your sorry furry ass. And I will have you know, that tinkle ball in the hall with the rounded corners is orgasmic, you can pop that sucker 50 paws in the air and bounce it off the ceiling right onto the nav station. That my friend, is worth the price of admission.
C: What’s worth the price of admission is watching the Man screech out of bed and chase you in the dark screaming like a banshee until he hits his head, while the Missus and I laugh our asses off.
M: Okay, so maybe that is worth it. At least he feeds us sometimes, right? I think you really tread on thin ice with him when you beg at his feet and block his path into the kitchen. That path really is only about 6 paw lengths across.
C: Yes, I know I drive him crazy when I beg like that. I try standing on the stairs, looking him in the eyes and mind melding with him so he will see that I am starving. It’s like I can’t help myself, I am soo hungry all the time, maybe I have a tape worm. It’s better than trying to walk on the edges of those drawers. We all know you are NOT the most graceful feline.
M: I am so graceful, those drawer edges aren’t straight and in case you haven’t noticed, the boat rocks. You should stop begging. I think it even drives her crazy too, and it’s not like they ever give us scraps or snacks. What makes you think anything is going to change? You know the definition of crazy right? Crazy Cooper.
C: Don’t call me that, come here so I can smack you. *smack* Come back here you little rat-faced tuxie.
M: ooomph, get off me. You… can’t… catch… me… (massive bumps, hisses, pounces, wrestling, noises)owwww, stop biting my neck! Oh, ok, that feels much better. Yes, licking and kisses are better, don’t forget my ears, will you?
C: I am just catching my breath for round 2, can you get my toes?
M: No, I am not going to clean your feet for you. You are OCD about those feet.
C: I am not neurotic, I am fastidious.
M: Dude, you clean your feet like 50 times a day. You are Howard Hughes of cats, face it.
C: Am not, I am meticulous about my appearance, unlike you! When was the last time you cleaned your own ears? What about you, you beg to be brushed all day and the look on your face when she brushes you…nirvana. And you drool! You are pathetic, brush-ho!
M: Am not, Howie, come closer so I can smack you…. (running through the boat, up the mast, out the window, around the decks, down the stairs and into the salon.)
M: OWWW, stop biting my neck!
C: Brush-Ho! Owsssss, that’s my ear! I am tired, you wear me out. I need another nap.
M: Yes, me too. Want to snuggle?
C: No, I never want to snuggle unless it’s cold, hello? Has anything changed recently? It’s not COLD or haven’t you noticed we are in the Bahamas where the sun shines gloriously on us every day?
M: Oh, you like to snuggle when you are scared and sea-sick! Then Mr. Perfect comes to find me in my hidey-hole cubby and takes all my space until I move to the other one, and then you come in there! Does it ever occur to you that I might not want you on top of me during bad sailing days? I might not throw up like you do but I don’t like all that noise, wind, and thrashing either.
C: I am only trying to comfort you, Mini. I know you are a sensitive flower. I only pretend to be afraid, so you won’t feel alone in your misery. And I only threw up twice, in the beginning. I think it was bad food.
M: Hey, what’s that noise? Seriously, DUDE, those feet are already clean!
C: If I wasn’t busy with my pre-nap ablutions I would kick your tuxie ass.
M: Hey, flabby tabby, nap later, I hear the buzz of the tiny floppy sausage thing…they are back!