February 26, 2013 by Last Star blog
“The Duke” would duke it out over this guy…..
Now as we cruise the Bahamas and find ourselves at Happy Hours and Beach Bars the clientele comes in a variety of shapes and sizes, like most places. One thing we have noticed is the “trans-genderfication” of the cruising couples. As we all age the hormones that make us different tend to decline, estrogen in women, testosterone in men. This is normal and part of the aging process. What is NOT normal is to basically throw in the towel and let your gender identity go down the drain like dirty dish water.
We like to play a game of “he or she” as some of these couples move about the boats. The women cut their hair and go with something “practical” which means easy to wash, short, no fuss no muss, and generally cut by the husband (little to no experience in tonsorial tailoring). The men will forego the hair cut for as long as practical as barbershops are unknown in these parts and after the butcher job they did on their wives I believe they are wise to NOT sit in the chair with said wife now holding the clippers. Ergo after about 2-3 months both the man and woman have the same awful graying hairdo or a spoofer graying split end ponytail on the men. This does NOT help us in the “he or she” game. There can be some facial hair but that is not a sure thing either, can cause much confusion at great distances.
The clothing is of little help either. Both sides tend to favor the ubiquitous “khaki short” with pleats. This short will be well worn, slightly dirty and pulled waaaaayyy up over the pot-belly or “meno-pot” revealing reddish slender vein-laced sticks with patchy areas of hair throughout. The top half is usually covered with a large or X-large cotton t-shirt (very aged and faded) from some unknown beach bar or marina deep in the Caribbean. This shirt will hang lifelessly over rounded shoulders, no waist, and the physique in some attempt to cover the mammary glands or sagging pectorals depending on gender. As the bra is just one other item of clothing that would need washing and not really a true requirement it is generally cast off and left behind–thankfully the “wet T-shirt contest” has not taken off here. It is just one more cumbersome item needing attention like hair styling for instance. Since the bra is optional and the “man-ziere” is not in favor the t-shirt and what is beneath lends no solution to the final results of the “he or she” game. A bit of nail-polish and some lipstick doesn’t take up too much room, hell Burt’s Bees lip balm has some color in it–use it. Patricia went out of her way to pillage the ladies Golfing clothes section at a Sports Authority, cute stuff, modern fabrics that wick and dry in minutes. Khaki and cotton are not ideal for a hot humid environment. According to Patricia there’s no need to wear a man’s wardrobe. Though I do find that Patricia’s bras are quite handy and comfortable while snorkeling to put in shells and things I gather on the bottom….what?
The feet are generally covered in a uni-sex Teva or water moccasin type shoe. Sperry topsiders are of no help either. Believe it or not the “Crocs” are still in favor in this group but then so are CDs, paper books, and Grateful Dead t-shirts.
So back to the title of the post. John Wayne is an American Icon and all around “tough guy” and one who would have little patience for any foolishness or a long ride in the “whaaaambulance” from people around him. He’s been in the ground for a number of years after a long battle with lung cancer. His presence is still felt through ads, photos, and of course his films. Now in the photo below you will see an “old guys rule” t-shirt with John Wayne on it. Fortunately the photo is a bit out of focus to protect the guilty. This photo does not do justice to what was going on here in the “he or she” game. It was the collective opinion of the players that the individual here was in the wrong gender shorts. The “tan” for lack of a better name was well below the hem of the shorts; hard to see here but the legs (hairless for the most part) were like a Neapolitan ice cream sandwich brown, pink, and white. Brown on the bald calves, pink around the knees and lower thighs and freaking white at the top because you are wearing your wife’s damn shorts!!! And then you have the temerity to top it off with a shirt that says “old guys rule” and a picture of John Wayne? It hurt to look at! But not so much that I couldn’t take a moment to take a photo (damn flash). IF “The Duke” would have been in the bar he would have ripped off the t-shirt and pulled those damn shorts even higher and clear up over your head as a message that maybe old guys do rule but NOT while wearing their wife’s shorts (and worse panties?). ‘Nuff said! Oh and if “old guys rule” how come none of them play in the NFL?