May 27, 2013 by Last Star blog
As we approach the last northern stop on our Bahamian adventure, I can’t help but look back on what it means. What have I taken from this time off from the pressures of work and society? A friend recently asked me if I ever told Hank ‘no.’ And another asked me if I was happy with the investment I was making in our relationship (look up from Anna’s letter). Of course, in the beginning I was apoplectic about this decision Hank had made without me. However, as I told my bridge group one day: I am all in. And no, I don’t tell him ‘no.’ So, we have seen some amazing places and met so many wonderful people in the past six months. It is hard not to have some angst about leaving paradise. I had some reservations about living in a ‘master bathroom’ with Hank for a year. I think when your husband spends many days away every month you get used to doing things in your own way on your terms. I was busy with school every night and Cole’s preparation for college. Then all of a sudden, there we were, alone on the boat 24/7/365. OMG! Of course, I am sure it was just as difficult for Hank. He went from time in the Pentagon where 25 thousand people wander the rings and the extroverts look at OTHER peoples shoes, to just me and no shoes at all. Now, six months later, what can I tell you. If you are having a rough patch in your marriage, go away together. I tell people all the time, you have to be ALL IN. I mean 100% for your spouse. If you are not, then there is a percentage that is dissembling your marriage. You may not realize it, until it is too late, but it is slowly pulling at the threads that weaves your relationship into the pattern of your marriage. That thing that was so precious you took a vow to uphold, falls to the wayside. Of course, the phrase. “shut up and color” comes to mind in marriage, too but that’s different. We have had a handful of bad days in six months. We have weeks of ‘okay’ but we have had months of laughter and joy. I am not saying you have to acquiesce to every request but you have to put the relationship first. Is it worth arguing about? Is it something you can remind them to correct? Will screaming really help or just annoy the next boat? Hank asked me yesterday, what will we do when we are working again without our happy hours worth of small talk? Where will we find it? This worries him. 28 years ago we lived in the back half of a house at 2865 Santa Fe in Corpus Christi and we have even less room and thangs than we did then. We are back on solid ground for whatever the next 30 years might bring us. We have the rest of this adventure to test my theory, but I think we will be fine. I know the next trials may be difficult, far more difficult than potty training…and at the time I thought that was OVERWHELMING! Aging…ugh, it will be hell. However, I know at every step he will be by my side, making me laugh and holding my hand. I am saying goodbye to a beautiful place my husband dragged me too, and I am saying Thank You for taking this time for me and for sharing your life with me.